Whining, Wine-ing & Winning

I’ve still been pretty quiet lately. Not because I don’t have anything to say. I have plenty to say. I just haven’t been able to figure out how the to write any of it.

My mother-in-law had an MRI Monday, and as I’m writing this, they’re going over the results. Watching someone you love become more confused by the day is fucking hard. Watching my husband go through this with his mom is even harder, and in the middle of all of it, there’s still regular life.

There’s a toddler who needs her mom. Dogs. Laundry. Groceries. Dinner. A house that doesn’t give a shit what kind of week you’re having, and then there’s the bread, the reels, and all the other shit I voluntarily add to my plate. I know I don’t have to make bread. I don’t have to make reels. Nobody is waiting around demanding fresh sourdough and videos from me, but I need something that belongs to me right now. I need a hobby. I need a distraction. I need something that lets my brain think about hydration percentages and whether my fucking balsamic glaze is going to leak out of a loaf instead of thinking about everything else for five minutes. Adding something else to my plate is actually the thing keeping my head above water…and right now, I need that. I don’t think I’ve ever had this much on my plate at one time. I’m not saying “poor me.” I don’t want sympathy. I have the easy part in all of this.

I’m just a little tired. This morning I got up, started baking bread, and Bee asked if we could go to the park…I said maybe. Then, she gave me the please face, with the drawn out pleeeeeeaseeee and that was the end of that discussion. She hasn’t gotten out of the house all week either. She doesn’t understand MRIs or brain tumors or why the adults around her are worried and distracted. She just knows she wants to go to the park with her mom. The groceries can wait a little longer. The bread will either turn out or it won’t (it’s just flour, water, and salt).

This isn’t a cry for help. It isn’t a request for sympathy. There isn’t even really a point to this post. It’s just word vomit that needed somewhere to escape… this is where I put that now. Thanks for stopping by…and you can bet your ass I will wine-d down later. Hug your people. Enjoy the good shit when you get it.