Whining, Wine-ing & Winning

Dealing With Stupid

Daily Writing Prompt: What jobs have you had?

I’ve spent most of my career in hospitality management, with a few years sprinkled in grocery management. Which means I’ve spent a large portion of my adult life answering questions that made me question my own existence.

I’ve heard almost every stupid question imaginable. The scary part is…all of these are real.

From the customers:

“How big is your 14-inch pizza?”

I’m sorry. Are we talking slices? Girth? Radius? What exactly are we measuring here?

“What kind of cheese is in your mozzarella sticks?”

It’s actually Asiago. Thanks for asking.

“If you’re not taking reservations during a Kansas State home game, how busy will you be at exactly 6:43?”

I’m not sure. If I could predict the future, I probably wouldn’t be working here.

“What beers do you have on tap?”

Asked by the guy sitting directly in front of the taps.

“Are you open?”

No. I’m just here answering phones for a business that isn’t open.

“Can I get the beef nachos, but substitute tofu and make everything vegan because I’m allergic to cheese and don’t eat beef?”

Absolutely. Let me just rewrite our entire menu because you walked into a steakhouse.

“How long is your wait?”

There are three tables occupied. Your chances of waiting are slim to none.

“What would you like as your side? Fries, coleslaw, or fruit.”

“I’ll take onion rings.”

Not an option.

“Sweet potato fries?”

Also not an option.

“Tots?”

Nope.

“Mashed potatoes?”

Sir, I just listed all three options.

Then there were the employees…

“Do I use the yellow lemon or the green lemon?”

“What’s in a Jack and Coke?”

“What animals do artichoke hearts come from?”

Yes. That was a real question.

Then I moved into grocery retail.

“Where are the guacamoles?”

The what now?

“Where’s the white broccoli?”

You mean cauliflower?

“Can you check the back?”

Sure. Let me make sure the secret produce factory back there hasn’t gone on strike.

The funny thing is every person reading this has probably asked a question that made some poor employee stare into the distance for a second before answering.

So tell me your best stories.

What is the dumbest question you’ve ever heard…or accidentally asked?