Whining, Wine-ing & Winning

What makes you nervous?

What makes me nervous? Well…shit, where do I start?

I am a walking ball of anxiety. It just depends on which version you get based on what’s happened that day…and where I’m at on my perimenopause scale.

Something that’s actually making me nervous right now? I think I’ve gotten to a point where I’m boring myself. Not in a “I have nothing to say” way…More like, I’ve been saying the same things, just with different word vomit every time.

I still show up every day hoping I find some motivation…I still show up because I know I should write…because it helps. It calms me down. It resets me before it’s time to jump into the mom/wife part of the day. This is where I usually start my mornings. Just…not today.

The wild one was already up, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed—at 7:13 a.m. Standing at the top of the stairs like a broken record…“Mom. Mom. Mom. Mooooooom.”

I thought maybe, just maybe…if I ignored it for a minute, she’d fall back asleep. Instead, after a little too much silence (the suspicious kind), I went to check on her and found her laying on the floor at the top of the stairs…playing with the linen closet door stop.

So there you have it. She has since crashed on the dog bed.

But back to my problem.

I’m actually doing well—stats wise, but I just don’t feel it right now. Aside from a small micro burst earlier…which is something I now rely on.

I think I just need more of those, because I’m not running out of things to say…I’m just running out of ways to say them.

Maybe I’m getting boring, or maybe my writing is just becoming more predictable now that I’ve found a routine.

Either way, I’m still here. I’ll still dump the shit from my head onto the page. I’ll still write about mommin’ when there’s something to write about, and I’ll still write something honest…even if it feels a little off because it feels better to be empty than full. That’s where I’m at today.

Thanks for reading, and happy hump day.