Whining, Wine-ing & Winning

I used to plan out my days, and be as successful as Bill Murray was at surviving Groundhog Day on repeat. Then I got a crazy idea to potty train my 2 year old.

Now success looks like three pees in the potty before noon (fingers crossed I catch the milk mother load brown-out before its too late) and no one crying in the Target parking lot.

Today? We had a mix of it all. Because toddler logic doesn’t make sense – and neither does motherhood.

This morning I followed my usual Routine: cup of Ryze coffee, quick breakfast, fed the dogs, and sat down for my hour-ish “me time” with an episode of Good Girls.

Settling in, and starting my unpredictable binge, I hear the famous words from upstairs…

“MOOOOOOOOOOM!”

Welp. Time to win the dang day.

“Good morning, Sweetheart! Should we try a potty before breakfast?”

“Nooooooooooo.”

“Okay, lets eat first, then we’ll watch Elmo potty.”

Breakfast was its usual chaos, Some food got eaten. Most got fed to Rumple and Barley (our mischievous golden doodles). I was offered a few bites, because well… sharing is caring.

Potty attempt number one?? Success. Win #1.

Fifteen minutes later, I see the star-shaped uh-oh walk headed in my direction.

“Mom, wet”

“It’s ok, accidents happen” (Externally calm. Internally calculating how many pairs of underwear we had left and whether I can emotionally survive another load of laundry before 10 am)

Back upstairs. Quick Spanish lesson on YouTube while I clean.

“MOOOOOOOOOOOOOM”

“Yes honey?”

“Dis? Potty?”

“You need to Potty?”

“Yah Potty.”

Suddenly I can’t remember anything. Did I leave the dogs outside? What was I just doing? The fog rolls in as we sprint upstairs.

SUCCESS.

Win #2.

I set her up in her little pink loft palace – desk, play kitchen, karaoke machine, the works. Bluey coloring page. Music on. I head down to start lunch.

Then – cries of absolute terror. Like she saw Big Bird in real life.

Broken Crayon, Full meltdown.

We attempt medical intervention via Band-Aid wrap which fails.

During lunch, PB&J is painted on the walls, and a sippy cup is launched across the dining room, because throwing is our love language.

After FINALLY getting the Teenage Toddler calmed down with a tube of GoGurt, I see THE FACE.

The “if you don’t move now, you’re scrubbing undies in the sink face.

We sprint.

A brief “it’s coming” dance.

And then plop.

Win #3.

Somewhere, in the middle of all the crazy mom life, I realized something.

My definition of work and success has completely changed.

It’s not productivity apps or perfectly executed routines, It’s tiny victories. It’s catching the signs. It’s staying calm when you want to cry. It’s celebrating 3 potty wins like you just won The Voice.

Things I learned today:

1. Elmo potty song sometimes needs to be heard 8 times.
2. Keep selection of books on back of toilet
3. Snack in hand may sound gross, but its beats a toddler spit bath.
4. Pants and undies must come all the way off to prevent Meltdown #2.

Thank you for tuning in, It’s almost time to “Wine-d down.