The Berniece Chronicles — Episode 1
This one was a little tougher to post. And just a heads up to the male readers out there—read this one at your own risk.
I’ve always dreaded getting older… or at least I thought I did.
It seems like I watch my husband age like a fine wine, while I age like… milk.
Suddenly there are new smells, new moods, and the constant wondering if Flo is ever going to stop showing up. Now when she does, she arrives more unexpectedly than ever, staying longer than she should and coming at me like an Amber Alert on my phone.
Loud. Sudden. Impossible to ignore.
I’m also at the age where I feel genuinely sad hearing that women like Betty White, Diane Keaton, and other celebrities I grew up laughing with have lived incredible lives and passed on.
At the same time, I feel like I should be sitting down with Kitty Forman, drinking wine and laughing loudly enough to scare the neighbors.
Then there are the body changes.
Who decided women should be the ones dealing with all the weird stuff? The funny feelings, the sudden temperature changes, and those moments when your body goes from perfectly fine to feeling like it just took a spontaneous trip to Key Largo in August… for about two to five minutes.
One minute I’m comfortable.
The next minute I’m peeling layers off like I’m in the middle of a personal heat wave.
Perimenopause hits hard.
And apparently it brings friends.
Brain fog. Random emotions. Walking into a room with a mission… only to stand there wondering why I’m holding a set of tongs. (Usually to reach something I couldn’t reach.)
Another fun side effect of this stage of life is trying to remember people’s names in public.
You know the moment.
Someone walks up to you.
They clearly know you.
Your brain… empties.
My mom taught me a trick years ago.
If you run through the alphabet in your head, their name will usually pop up somewhere between A and Z.
Well apparently somewhere in my alphabet it turned into “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star.”
So now instead of remembering names, I’m silently singing nursery rhymes while smiling like I know exactly who I’m talking to.
Thankfully my husband and I have an understanding.
If I’m mid-conversation and he sees the look, he jumps in with a quick:
“Hi, I’m Jeff.”
And then I just stand there praying they introduce themselves instead of waiting for me to return the favor.
And can we talk about the things nobody really warns you about?
Like suddenly wondering why you smell strange… or why your hair decided to shed like your dog for a few months before finally calming down again.
Or the emotions.
Some days I’m completely normal.
Other days I’m overwhelmed, irritated, or crying over things that never used to bother me.
I actually cried during an episode of Bluey the other day.
A cartoon.
About dogs.
And that’s when I realized something.
This stage of life needed a name.
So I gave her one.
Her name is Berniece.
Berniece shows up with hot flashes, brain fog, random emotions, and the confidence to make me cry over a cartoon dog family.
Some days Berniece lets me be normal.
Other days she chooses chaos.
But at this point, I’ve realized something else about this stage of life.
It gives me a lot more excuses not to care.
My legs aren’t shaved?
It’s fine.
My eyebrows need a wax?
Maybe next week… or whenever I start resembling Bert.
I’m wearing a hat with no makeup on?
Don’t worry. I’m not going through a breakup. I’m still happily married.
I just don’t have the energy.
And honestly, makeup is expensive. Why waste it on a random Tuesday?
I’ll look cute next week.
But the truth is… I’m grateful.
Getting to this stage of life has made me grateful for the lessons I’ve learned, the memories I’ve made, and the ones I’ll continue to make as the road keeps going.
So even with the hot flashes, the weirdness, the brain fog, and the surprises my body likes to throw at me…
I’ll take it.
Because I have everything I need to go along with the crazy.
If you’re struggling in this season of life, you are not alone.
Sometimes women just need to laugh together, cry together, or wine-down together.
And you’re doing great.
Because sometimes in life…
you Bern and you learn.
📺 The Berniece Chronicles
Whining, Wine-ing & Winning 
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